Beauty is what you buy

There was a time when slip dresses were strictly reserved for the bedroom — worn with curlers, fuzzy slippers, and a robe. But fast forward to the ‘90s and even now to 2020s, and this lingerie-inspired style has shed its pajama past to become a full-blown wardrobe staple.

The slip dress has evolved with endless silhouettes, from minis to midis and maxis — in every size, shape, color, and print. It’s a year-round must, just as appropriate for weddings as happy hours and, when styled correctly, the office. You can wear it solo in summer, layered with a tee or cardigan in cooler weather, or top it off with a faux fur jacket in the dead of winter. For 35 slip dresses that take you from day to night in style, keep scrolling.

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Anthropologie Spring Dresses, Ranked By Reviewers

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After originally selling out in five hours — and again on Sperry’s own site — the Sperry x Aritzia boat shoes are getting re-stocked on Aritzia’s website on April 26 at 12 a.m. PST. 

While spring 2024 brought us the surprising return of the Clarks Wallabee, spring 2025 is bringing another prep-school classic: the boat shoe. Then again, maybe we shouldn’t be surprised. The “fisherman aesthetic” started trending on TikTok this past January, casting its net as one of the biggest spring trends and putting nautical styles back into the spotlight. And the newest ones you should test the waters with are from the Sperry x Aritzia collaboration.

Sperry, the nostalgic original boat shoe brand founded in 1935, teamed up with Aritzia, the modern “elevated essentials” fashion brand, to reimagine the latter’s iconic boat shoes with two new styles.

“The boat shoe is more than just a trend — it’s a timeless staple that has defined style for nearly nine decades,” said Sperry’s president Jonathan Frankel in a press release. “This partnership is a perfect fusion of heritage and modernity, bringing fresh versatility to an enduring icon.”

The Sperry x Aritzia Slim Boat has a sleek, narrow toe box and anti-slip outsole (because functional fashion is at the heart of the fisherman trend). It comes in full-grain leather, and is available in brown and light brown colorways.

Meanwhile, the Sperry x Aritzia Authentic Original 2-Eye, which resembles a loafer (also very on trend), features premium leather, rawhide laces, and the brand’s signature “Razor-Cut Wave-Siping” outsole. These are available in brown and tan.

Perhaps the most exciting part is that both these styles can be customized (and we love customization… hello shoe charm trend). They each come with three sets of interchangeable laces, including colorful ones, to make these shoes even more versatile… and spring-ready.

All that’s left to do? Reel in and hook your pair before they vanish again. The limited restock goes live on Aritzia’s website April 26 at 12 a.m. PST.

Shop full Sperry x Aritzia collaboration

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The days are getting longer, the leaves are growing back, and — most importantly — Wayfair’s limited-time Way Day event is about to return, running from April 26 to 28. Expect massive savings of up to 80% off on everything you need (or want because it’s cute) for your home. Grab your wallet and sharpen your eye for design — this sale is here to save you serious cash on everything from office chairs to cozy bedding to small-space essentials.

And while you could pore over every perfectly designed loveseat and adorable organization essential, it’s not like you have all day to scroll through Wayfair’s inventory.

That’s why we’ve done the digging for you, bringing you early-access, editor-approved deals that have earned rave reviews from real shoppers and R29 readers alike.

So, scroll on, study up for Wayfair’s biggest sale of the year, and cart up your favorite bestsellers before they’re gone.

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We know our readers love a good Free People find. So do our editors, who are always more than thrilled to keep tabs on the best new products to shop from the retailer. While new releases can be overwhelming, we’re here to bring you the best-of-the-best options worth your attention — and coins.

Spring is here, bringing with it some confusing weather to dress for — some hot, sunny days, some clear, chilly evenings; plenty of seasonal showers and gales, so cue all the transitional essentials. Think lightweight lounge sets, rain-ready outerwear, and functional yet stylish accessories (get ready to meet your dream gym bag).

Of course, FP faves like easy breezy milkmaid dresses, trendy denim, and FP Movement activewear are holding their own in our edit. Whether you’re refreshing your spring wardrobe, shopping for a spring wedding, or hunting for vacation fits with that signature Free People vibe, these new arrivals have you covered.

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11 Free People Spring Items Editors Are Carting Up

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Spring Wedding Guest Dresses For Every Dress Code

Wedding season is upon us. If your calendar is full of spring and summer celebrations, it’s time to plan your looks — and we’re here to help. We’ve rounded up the best wedding guest dresses that hit on this spring’s trends, from romantic ruffles to standout shades like periwinkle blue and butter yellow — for every dress code.

Whether you’re dressing for a black-tie affair, cocktail party, casual celebration, or destination location, these fresh minis, midis, and gowns will land you on the best-dressed guest list. Ahead, peruse 28 spring dresses for every nuptial vibe.

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Abercrombie & Fitch Has Best Wedding Guest Dresses

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Welcome to Money Diaries where we are tackling the ever-present taboo that is money. We’re asking real people how they spend their hard-earned money during a seven-day period — and we’re tracking every last dollar.

Today: a retail/fashion buyer who makes $115,000 per year and who spends some of her money this week on international phone charges from a holiday in Australia.

If you’d like to submit your own Money Diary, you can do so via our online form. We pay $150 for each published diary. Apologies but we’re not able to reply to every email.

Occupation: Buyer
Industry: Retail/fashion
Age: 29
Location: New York
Assets: High yield account on Wealthfront earning 4% annual interest: $85,000; Wealthfront stocks roboinvestor: $7,200; Robinhood stock investments: $38,000; company stocks (I automatically put money aside every paycheck and buy stocks at 15% discount four times a year through the employee purchase program): $62,000; 401(k) savings (I get 4%  company match): $66,000.
Debt: $0
Paycheck Amount (2x/week): $3,150
Pronouns: She/her

Monthly Expenses

Housing Costs: $2,100 for a one-bedroom in Brooklyn by myself.
Loan Payments: $0
401(k) Savings: $670 (7% of annual income).
Company Stock Purchase: $960 (9% of annual income).
Gym: $31
Netflix: $16
Spotify: $16.99 (reimbursed by Citibank Gold).
Verizon Fios Wifi: $50
ConEd: $60
Apple Care & iCloud Storage: $13.87

Annual Expenses

Credit Card Membership: $545 — I recently upgraded to a platinum card to gain access to airport lounges, and I’m justifying the $545 annual fee by telling myself the bonus miles will make it worth it. It’s almost enough to score a free flight back home to South America, so it feels like a good investment!
Amazon Membership: $139 (reimbursed by Citibank Gold).
Citi Bike Membership: $0 (through Citibank Gold).

Was there an expectation for you to attend higher education? Did you participate in any form of higher education? If yes, how did you pay for it?
Yes, my parents always expected me to attend college, as they believed higher education was a key step toward building a successful career. They were especially supportive when I decided to pursue a career in the fashion industry. I attended the Fashion Institute of Technology (FIT), where I earned a bachelor of science in fashion business management with a minor in economics. The cost of my education was significantly more affordable thanks to qualifying for in-state tuition, which brought the total tuition for all four years to around $50,000. My dad was able to assist financially, which was a huge relief and allowed me to focus on my studies without taking on any debt. I also worked part time during my time at FIT to help with additional expenses.

Growing up, what kind of conversations did you have about money? Did your parent(s)/guardian(s) educate you about finances?
My dad started giving me a monthly allowance when I was in 5th grade, around 11 years old. It wasn’t much at first — just $20 pesos a month — but it taught me how to manage my money from an early age. At first, I’d spend it on candy or random things, but as I got older, I started saving up for bigger purchases like a hockey stick in middle school, and eventually for clothes and nights out. My parents didn’t sit me down and give me a formal lesson on finances, but my dad was always someone I’d check in with before making any big financial decisions. He guided me when it came to things like credit cards, savings accounts, and picking the right bank. But when it came to more advanced stuff, like stocks and investments, he didn’t have much insight, so I turned to other sources. My minor in economics helped a bit, but the real turning point for me was during COVID-19 when I decided to dive deeper into personal finance. I started investing on my own using Robinhood, reading sites like Investopedia, NerdWallet, and The Motley Fool daily. I learned about things like market trends, stock performance, and what analysts were saying, which gave me the confidence to make smarter financial decisions.

What was your first job and why did you get it?
My first job was as a sales assistant at a clothes store in New York. I was 18 and had just moved to NYC from South America. For the first couple of months, I was basically a tourist, soaking everything in. But by April 2014, I was ready to get to work before starting school in the fall. I went around handing out my résumé to stores all over the city, hoping to make some money and meet new people. Within a couple of days, I got a call for an interview for the store, and I think they hired me on the spot! The only thing was, they asked me to dye my hair from blue to a “natural color”, so I did. It was a fun first job and a huge part of my NYC journey!

Did you worry about money growing up?
I did worry about money sometimes, especially with my mom in South America. She had a tough time making ends meet with what my dad sent for me and my two brothers, but I always knew he’d step in if we really needed something. Growing up, my mom was super resourceful — she stretched every dollar, always shopping on discount days, using daily promos, and making the most of credit card points. She definitely taught me how to be smart with money.

Do you worry about money now?
Luckily, I don’t worry about money right now. I’m still saving and investing, but I have enough of a cushion that I don’t feel stressed. I’m saving up to buy an apartment in New York, but I’m also at a point where I treat myself to pretty much anything I want because I’ve worked hard for it. I don’t believe in just sitting on my money while I save — I’m going to enjoy it along the way!

At what age did you become financially responsible for yourself and do you have a financial safety net?
I’d say I became financially responsible at 22 when I graduated college, moved in with roommates, and started my first full-time corporate job. My dad gave me a $5,000 graduation gift to help kickstart my adult life, which I used for my first month’s rent and deposit on an apartment in Brooklyn with two friends, plus a mattress, a queen bed frame, and a closet from IKEA. Since then, the only thing my parents cover is my phone bill — and they still do, haha!

Do you or have you ever received passive or inherited income? If yes, please explain.
I wish!

Day One: Monday

7:09 a.m. — I’m a stickler for routine, so I have my 7 a.m. alarm locked in from Monday to Thursday. Today I let myself snooze for 9 minutes because I’m so tired after my trip to Australia. Honestly, I’m running on fumes.

8:17 a.m. — Time to start the week and head to work. I only got six hours of sleep because my flight back from Australia was… A nightmare. The flight is already 24 hours long at best, but my flight from Sydney was delayed, I missed my connection in LA, and ended up waiting four hours for the next flight to NY. And to top it all off, 30 minutes before landing in New York we were told we needed to emergency land in NASHVILLE to refuel. What a mess! Anyway, subway ride to work. $2.90

8:30 a.m. — Of course, it’s Presidents’ Day, so the subway is a mess. The last stop on the J train is Hewes St and no J or M trains are running to Manhattan. I exit the subway at Lorimer St, walk to the G train, pay again, and finally transfer to the F train into the city. Welcome back to New York! $2.90

9:08 a.m. — I get to the office and log on to my computer after two weeks away, which is the longest break I’ve ever taken in my adult corporate life. The emails take a few minutes to load… 683 unread emails. I need a minute to process so I head to the kitchen for Monday bagels. I usually get the same: a wholewheat everything bagel with scallion cream cheese.

9:35 a.m — My VP calls me into her office a little too early for my liking, but she wants to talk about soft business across the company and reassure me that everything went smoothly while I was away. I head back to my office and spend the rest of the time catching up on emails, projecting sales, and reviewing selling by label.

1:05 p.m. — I take a short break and order the Skinny Waldorf salad for lunch (my favorite obsession). It’s got arugula, chicken, avocado, toasted pecans, dried cranberries, goat cheese, and balsamic vinaigrette. A dream. I use my $100 gold membership I purchased last year, which grants me 25% off every order for a year. I decided to pick it up to avoid all the extra fees. $15.15

6:02 p.m. — Finally, it’s time to head home. I’m beyond tired, and the subways are still a mess, so I take the A train and then walk 16 minutes in the freezing cold. $2.90

8:11 p.m. — I get home after work but I have NOTHING in my fridge. With the last bit of energy I have, I go to the supermarket and grab some essentials for the week; bananas, strawberries, yogurt, cottage cheese, eggs, chicken, breadcrumbs, butternut squash, avocado, salad mix and some tomatoes. I make a decent salad for dinner but nothing like my favorite one. $85.95

9:48 p.m. — I like eating dinner while watching TV in the living room. Tonight I’m starting Missing You, a show on Netflix. After dinner, I smoke a joint to unwind, scroll for a bit, and head to bed.

Daily Total: $109.80

Day Two: Tuesday

7:01 a.m. — Another rough morning — I’m still very jet lagged. Generally, my mornings are pretty consistent: I jump out of bed at 7:01 a.m., then head to the couch to enjoy a bit of the leftover joint from the night before. Yes, I’m a proud stoner and I start and finish my day with a little joint. Weed helps me focus, it quiets the noise in my head and lets me ease into the day with a bit more clarity. It’s not for everyone but it works for me. Around 7:20 a.m. I head to the shower and wash my hair daily… Curls, you wouldn’t get it. In the shower I wash my face with a La Roche-Posay face cream my mom gave me and after the shower I apply micellar water and moisturizer. I finish by adding leave-in conditioner to my hair and giving it a quick blow-dry.

8:11 a.m. — I aim to catch the subway by 8:20 a.m. at the latest to get to the office around 9 a.m. Luckily the subways are back to normal, so I take my usual J train and connect to the M on Delancey St. $2.90

9:08 a.m. — On Tuesdays we get yogurt, bananas, and some sort of granola bar in the kitchen. I pick up a mango yogurt, a banana for breakfast, and refill my water bottle.

12:30 p.m. — I have lunch with a vendor and they order food up to their showroom for my assistant and me. They eat kosher so we order from Mr Broadway. I opted for vegetable soup with a matzo ball, which was just right for the cold day. After the meeting we head back to the office.

2 p.m. — I have a one-hour Teams call with a West Coast vendor. We tried to review some product but it’s challenging over video so I asked him to send samples to my office.

3:30 p.m. — I have a 30-minute meeting in person with my planner. We are asked to stay until 5 p.m. for a business update meeting. The meeting is short but I still have emails to catch up on, so I return to my office.

6:07 p.m. — Now I’m calling it a day and heading home. $2.90

8:08 p.m. — I begin preparing a butternut squash soup and chicken cutlets for dinner. During this time, I call my parents on speakerphone to catch up after my trip. At the end of the call, I zelle money to my stepmom for the 14 days I used my phone in Australia and got charged $10 a day. They insist I don’t need to repay, but I don’t want to take advantage of them covering my phone bill. Ouch! $140

9:25 p.m. — I didn’t get to finish Missing You last night so I put it on in the background while I enjoyed my soup and chicken followed by a joint.

Daily Total: $145.80

Day Three: Wednesday 

7:01 a.m. — I roll out of bed and straight onto the couch for a quick puff before I shower. Post shower, I do my quick skincare routine with micellar water and moisturizer and blow dry my hair.

7:48 a.m. — I threw on a pair of black Bershka jeans my friend gave me. They have ripped flare bottoms and are definitely my vibe. I paired them with an oversized blazer that mixes cool fabrics, and pointy black booties. I’m feeling pretty cool so I snap and post a picture on my story.

8:15 a.m. — I hate doing it but I always check the MTA app as soon as I leave to see when the next train is coming and always find myself running to catch it. $2.90

11:30 a.m. — I have an internal meeting with another buyer, which lasts about an hour, followed by a lunch meeting with a vendor. My VP joins us and covers the bill, which she will expense.

2:30 p.m. — My assistant and I walk to another vendor meeting nearby. Our vendor surprises us with warm chocolate chip cookies, which totally makes our day. After an hour, we head back to the office.

7:01 p.m. — I end up staying late in the office tackling the neverending unread emails. But honestly, I’m done for today. $2.90

8:44 p.m. — When finally home I start cooking a spinach and cottage cheese quiche with the groceries I bought Monday. I ate half while watching the documentary about Gabby Petito.

11:07 p.m. — While laying on the couch I realize I’m out of Quest bars so I ordered a 12-pack box from Amazon. I get the chocolate chip cookie dough flavor and they have 21g of protein and 12g of fiber! SO good and the perfect sweet fix for me. $24.62

Daily Total: $30.42

Day Four: Thursday

7:09 a.m. — Another snoozing day. I can’t seem to beat this jet lag, but granted I was up after 11 p.m., so that’s on me. You get the drill: puff, puff, shower, minimal face care, and a swift blow dry.

8:07 a.m. — Like clockwork I’m on my way to work. Today’s outfit also makes me feel effortlessly cool. I wear a new shirt I got in Australia that’s made from two dress shirts, paired with some black Uniqlo pants and Viron shoes. $2.90

9:10 a.m. — The tempting aroma from the bakery near my office leads me to grab a croissant on my way in because, let’s face it, I deserve it. $3.90

9:30 a.m — I go straight to my 9:30 a.m. appointment and meet my assistant there. The meeting runs 30 minutes over, causing us to be late to our 10 a.m. Thankfully, our next meeting isn’t until 12 p.m.

11:15 a.m. — I order lunch for the vendor, my assistant, and myself, which will be reimbursed. We get sandwiches and hummus with veggies. When we arrive at the showroom, he had ordered a ton of cookies and cake slices from Milk Bar for dessert. Different vendor, but they always go above and beyond to treat us.  $48.29 (Expensed)

2 p.m. — Busy, busy week. After lunch we head to another appointment that lasts an hour, then walk to our last appointment at 3 p.m. before heading back to the office for a bit.

6:09 p.m. — I’m feeling a lot more caught up so I leave work and head downtown to meet with my cousin, S., who’s visiting from Italy for a week. $2.90

8:05 p.m. — We meet by the Oculus and I get a round of beers at a karaoke Irish pub nearby ($18, plus a $3 tip). We’re tempted to sing something on stage but decide to lay low and sing from the bar. $22

9:04 p.m. — Impromptu drinks take a little longer than I expected and we haven’t eaten so we stop at Whole Foods and get some pita chips, pasta, tomato pesto sauce, and cauliflower rice. $16.01

9:08 p.m. — We take the subway home and start cooking close to 10 p.m. I’m never catching up on sleep. $2.90

Daily Total: $50.61

Day Five: Friday 

8:20 a.m. — I actually wake up feeling pretty rested. Friday is my work-from-home day, so I get to sleep in a bit. S. and I enjoy cottage cheese blueberry pancakes I make for breakfast. The recipe is so simple: for each person, mash one banana and mix it with one egg, one tablespoon of cottage cheese, one tablespoon of all-purpose flour, and a touch of vanilla essence and cinnamon. Thank me later.

10:30 a.m. — I ease into my workday, since I typically don’t have meetings on Fridays. However, my VP schedules a quick touch base at 10:30 a.m. The meeting is brief. I’m all caught up with emails from when I was away, but of course, new things have popped up now that we are back from a week full of meetings. You know how it goes — life.

4:28 p.m. — My weed delivery arrives just as I finish my workday. I buy in bulk and I tip the delivery person $10. $190

8:48 p.m. — I take S. out for drinks at Westlight, the rooftop bar at The William Vale Hotel in Williamsburg. The views are stunning, and it’s a great spot to introduce her to some of my friends. The vibes are great, and we all have an awesome time catching up and enjoying the city skyline. $2.90

11:22 p.m. — I send my friend T. a Venmo covering my drink and the tip for both myself and S. ($22 drink + $8 tip). $30

11:59 p.m. — We move on to another bar where a friend is playing vinyl records. I buy the first round for three of us, but forget to ask everyone for their share, as I often do. $38.93

Daily Total: $261.83

Day Six: Saturday

12:53 a.m. — I get another drink for myself, and wow, it’s pricey! Plus, I can’t stand those iPads that only give you the option to tip 22%, 25%, or 30%. Like, I don’t want to leave a $3 tip for one beer. $18.79

2:05 a.m. — The bar closes and it’s freezing so we grab an Uber and S. covers the ride. Since she owes me from the drink I got her earlier, we’re all squared up.

2:18 a.m. — From the back seat of the Uber I order Burger King to my apartment, since I still hadn’t had dinner. Bacon melt, fries, and a drink — definitely overpriced, but worth every warm greasy bite. $25.20

2:55 a.m. — S. falls asleep on the couch while I devour my burger. I wake her up and we both pass out on the bed.

12:59 p.m. — We finally drag ourselves out of the house and make a quick stop at the nail salon to get my gel nail removed ($11, plus $2.20 tip). I have been picking at them all week. $13.20

1:05 p.m. — Next up: a coffee shop stop for S., because, fun fact, I don’t drink coffee. I know, I know — people think it’s weird, but I just don’t like the taste and I’m not about to start right now. Weed is my caffeine.

1:17 p.m. — We subway over to Williamsburg to hang out and grab some lunch. $2.90

4:01 p.m. — After strolling around Williamsburg and showing S. Domino Park, Berry Street, Artist & Fleas, we sit down for brunch at Cafe Colette. I have eggs Norwegian with a side salad and a lemonade. $34.87

5:05 p.m. — We keep the day going with a stop at Gelateria Gentile for a large cone of crème caramel and frutti di bosco ice cream. Worth every penny. $9.25

6:11 p.m. — Hit my 12 swipes for the week — last time I pay the subway until Monday! Hopefully, this will motivate me to leave the house tomorrow. $2.90

8:19 p.m. — Stay in and ordered some brisket pho from Lucy’s Vietnamese, because why not? S. goes out with a friend, so I kickback, watch Envious on Netflix, and have the ultimate chill night. $21.20

Daily Total: $128.31

Day Seven: Sunday

10:30 a.m — I can’t even remember the last time I slept this late. I’m usually up by 9 a.m. Definitely needed the extra rest.

12:44 p.m. — We head to the city to explore Central Park. Take the A to the C and hop off at 72nd street. First stop? Strawberry Fields. And shoutout to free swipes.

2:38 p.m. — We make our way through Bethesda Terrace, the Bow Bridge and Belvedere castle before grabbing a quick bite from a grocery store near the park. I go with sushi and a mixed fruit thingy. We park ourselves on a bench to enjoy the little moment before going to the MET. $15.96

3:05 p.m. — Our MET tickets are free thanks to my Culture Pass. New Yorkers, don’t sleep on this. If you become a member of the New York or Brooklyn Public Library, you get free tickets to museums. It’s a total game changer.

5:30 p.m. — We have to rush through the last exhibits because the museum is closing. Although we are exhausted, S. is adamant about biking in Central Park. So I use one of my Citi Bike guest passes, grab two bikes and we cruise around the park.

6:30 p.m — After our bike adventure, we head to SoHo to meet my dad for dinner at The Smith so S. could try mac and cheese (yes, she’s 32 and had never had it before.) She can’t stop smiling while eating and keeps asking why they don’t have it in Italy.

8:57 p.m. — My dad covers dinner, but I treat everyone to doughnuts from the Donut Pub. We get a classic chocolate sprinkle, a glazed one, and a Boston cream (my fave). Have to let S. try them all. $9

Daily Total: $24.96

The Breakdown

Conclusion 

“I don’t normally track my spending on a weekly or even monthly basis beyond what shows up on my credit card bills, so this was a helpful and honestly eye-opening exercise. I’m a little surprised by how much I spent on food and drinks — $370 feels like a lot — but I was out a fair amount this week and don’t regret any of it.

“What really threw my week off was the $140 I paid my stepmom for my international phone plan. Plus I stocked up on weed for the month, so in my head the $190 is split into four. Yeah, I know, it’s still a lot but I told you I’m a proud stoner and I don’t think about that part too much. Otherwise, it felt like a pretty normal week in terms of spending. Interestingly I didn’t spend anything on entertainment or home/health this week, which feels like a bit of a wake up call. I’d like to be more intentional about making space for things that support my well being — whether that’s a facial, massage or movie night out.

“Overall, it was interesting to see where the money actually goes. This was a good reminder to be more mindful, especially on the days where I swear ‘I barely spent anything’ ’cause that’s… not exactly true.”

Money Diaries are meant to reflect an individual’s experience and do not necessarily reflect Refinery29’s point of view. Refinery29 in no way encourages illegal activity or harmful behavior.

The first step to getting your financial life in order is tracking what you spend — to try on your own, check out our guide to managing your money every day. For more Money Diaries, click here.

Do you have a Money Diary you’d like to share? Submit it with us here.

Have questions about how to submit or our publishing process? Read our Money Diaries FAQ doc here or email us here.

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When was the last time you said it? Be honest. When you didn’t get that job you interviewed for? It’s a sign I should be writing my novel instead. When that situationship failed to blossom into something more permanent? It’s a sign they’re not The One. When your housemate’s birthday cake emerged from the oven with a soggy bottom and a severe bout of jaundice? It’s a sign I’m a terrible baker.

Perhaps it was in a fit of triumph — one of those rare moments when the universe seems to be winking at you, like finding the last dress in your size buried at the back of the sale rack. It’s a sign I’m meant to have it. More often than not, though, we reach for these three little words when we feel as if life has let us down in one way or another. Like the platitudes beloved by nans everywhere — what’s for you won’t go past you; que sera sera; everything happens for a reason — they are harmless enough on the surface, encouraging an optimistic, ‘chin up’ mentality in the face of routine setbacks and disappointments. But could relying too heavily on this way of thinking be preventing us from moving forward with our lives?

“When we frame setbacks as ‘signs’, we’re often trying to make sense of something that hurts,” says Taz Thornton, an award-winning business and empowerment coach, speaker and bestselling author. “It’s a coping mechanism. If we can convince ourselves that a disappointment is somehow part of a bigger plan, it can soften the blow. It gives us a sense of control over something that otherwise feels chaotic and unfair.” ‘Chaotic and unfair’ is a good way to describe the first few months of 2025. In the US, Donald Trump has slashed foreign aid, laid off thousands of federal workers and thrown financial markets around the world into turmoil, while in the UK, Keir Starmer’s government has tabled welfare cuts that will harm the poorest and most vulnerable in society. Meanwhile a loaf of bread costs two quid, the job market has tipped drastically in favour of employers and it remains all but impossible to buy a house. Against such a turbulent backdrop, is it any wonder that a report published by Channel 4 at the start of the year found that only 60% of 13 to 27-year-olds feel in control of major aspects of their lives? Can anyone blame us if we try to impose a modicum of control wherever we can?

The problem with understanding our setbacks as part of a bigger plan is that it may lead to us getting stuck. “It stops us asking the hard questions,” says Taz. “What could I have done differently? What can I learn here? Where do I need to grow? It can also breed a kind of learned helplessness, where we start waiting for life to tell us what to do instead of being proactive and taking responsibility for our own path.” Let’s go back to that unsuccessful job interview. You could interpret it as a sign that you should be doing something else with your time, perhaps something you feel more passionate about, which may well be true. But end the debrief there and you overlook other possibilities — does your interview technique need work? Could you have spent a little more time beforehand researching the role or the company? — which might stop you getting the next job, or the next.

It can also create a fear of failure, says child and family therapist and mental health advocate Cai Graham. “Viewing failure as a sign of being on the wrong path can make us more hesitant to take risks or step outside our comfort zone.” It can be deeply uncomfortable to acknowledge our failings — even to ourselves — but it is only by doing so that we can break patterns that no longer serve us and embrace fresh ways of thinking. Confronting failure helps us become more resilient, too, adds Cai. “Part of building resilience is learning how to adapt and bounce back. If we always externalize setbacks, we miss the chance to strengthen that skill.”

The extent to which a person externalizes setbacks may come down to whether they have an internal or external locus of control. ‘Locus of control’ explains the degree to which you feel you have control over your life. If you have an internal locus of control, you believe in your own influence over life events and are confident that your actions have a direct effect on your personal outcomes. Conversely, if you have an external locus of control, you attribute your personal outcomes to fate and factors beyond your control. There is research to suggest that people with a stronger internal locus of control are generally happier and healthier than those with a more external locus of control. This is not to say, however, that a belief in things like fate, chance — even your horoscope — can have a negative impact on your life. The opposite can be true, too.

A study published in 2011 in Social Psychological and Personality Science found that belief in an external locus of control acted as a protective factor for people coping with the death of a spouse. The researchers followed widowed individuals for four years before and after the loss and discovered that those who believed in chance or fate experienced a considerably smaller decline in life satisfaction in the year of the death than those who did not share the same belief. We may not be talking here about anything as extreme as the death of a partner but Cai agrees that when a situation is especially painful or feels genuinely out of our control, interpreting what has happened as a ‘sign’ can be helpful.

“In those moments, the idea of a ‘sign’ can act as an emotional anchor. It gives people a way to cope when rational explanations fall short or when searching for personal responsibility would only deepen their pain.” The key, says Cai, is to recognize when this way of thinking is supporting your healing and when it may be stopping you from moving forward. “When we use it to soothe, that’s human. When we use it to avoid or stay stuck, that’s when it can become limiting.”

Sticking with fate for a minute, let’s turn our attention to the zodiac — the interpretation, after all, of a very particular set of signs. Offering insight into matters as diverse as dating, careers, money, health and friendships, a lot has been written about the popularity of horoscopes among Gen Z and millennials in particular. Like the platitudes we mentioned at the start of this article, they are harmless enough as a jumping-off point for self-reflection or a fun topic of conversation in the group chat. However, one (admittedly quite old) study from 1986 found that people seek out predictions that fit in with their horoscope and ignore those that do not — research that supports the findings of a slightly later study, from 1995, which suggested that belief in astrology can limit personal growth as horoscopes become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Taz says that the same thing can happen if we abdicate responsibility for our actions by framing our setbacks as ‘signs’. “Growth demands ownership. If we’re constantly outsourcing our life direction to ‘signs’, stars or anything else, we’re not fully stepping into our own power. Belief systems themselves aren’t the problem — it’s how we use them. If they’re a tool for reflection, great. If they’re an excuse to stay stuck, not so great.”

Cai agrees that interpreting a disappointment as a ‘sign’ can easily translate into a self-fulfilling prophecy. It’s actually a really common pattern, she says. “If we decide a bad outcome means we’re not good at something, we might avoid trying again, which only reinforces the belief.” Say you bake a cake, having never baked before, and for whatever reason it turns out dreadfully. Instead of seeing it as a one-off mistake or something to learn from, you take it as a sign you’re a bad baker and vow not to pick up a mixing bowl again. It becomes part of your identity. “Over time,” says Cai, “this kind of thinking can chip away at confidence and limit growth — not just in baking but in anything where we fear failure.”

So how do we get out of the habit of interpreting our setbacks and disappointments as ‘signs’ and take back control of our lives? The first step, says Taz, is to notice it. “Awareness is everything. When something doesn’t go our way, instead of asking, What is this telling me?, we can start asking, What is this teaching me? That tiny shift moves us from passive to active.”

It’s important to acknowledge the discomfort, adds Cai. “Sit with the disappointment instead of immediately looking for an external explanation. It’s unsettling but sitting with your emotions helps you process.” Once you’ve done that, you can start to reframe failure as feedback and identify the actions you can take to move forward. “Instead of seeing setbacks as signs of personal inadequacy or fate being against you, reframe them as opportunities for improvement.” It’s all about building a growth mindset, she says. “Start seeing challenges as opportunities to learn and grow, not just obstacles. People with a growth mindset understand that their skills can improve with effort and persistence.” Try not to get disheartened if you encounter further bumps in the road and celebrate progress, not perfection, remembering that it isn’t always a straight line.

Finding meaning in the things that happen to us every day is part of the human experience. No one is suggesting you didn’t see the breakup coming because a lonely magpie landed on his doorstep just as you reached for the bell. But let’s try to be the driver of our own car, not the passenger. As Taz says: “Real empowerment comes from knowing we’re not puppets on a cosmic string. We can honour our intuition, stay open to guidance and still take ownership of our choices. That’s where the real magic is — not waiting for a sign, but learning to trust ourselves enough to be the sign.”

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As a journalist and presenter, I’m constantly having viral moments. I’ll deliver a news story, and millions of people will see it, and that’s just the norm, the day-to-day, but I’m not necessarily the topic of that viral moment. Yet after a recent news report I made was posted online, millions of people were talking about my appearance on social media — my “bad hair day” at work — and then that became the conversation, people made videos about it, and shared their own ideas of what went on. It’s not something I expected.

On 28 March 2025, I headed into the BBC offices in London, where I present the news for the broadcaster’s social media pages. We’d been alerted that there was a tragic earthquake in Myanmar, and when things like that happen, it’s all hands on deck — everyone is working to ensure we cover the story as well as possible. As well as reporting on the tragic event, I was scheduled to interview professional wrestler Tiffany Stratton on location that day, but the main aim was to make sure that we were covering the earthquake and the fatalities. It meant that I was quite rushed for time, leaving no time for hair and makeup. I rushed to the interview and was aware that my hair didn’t necessarily look as well as I’d wanted. It was my first time trying a sew-in with a leave-out, and to be honest, I do think the humidity had a massive effect, because when I first arrived at the office, my hair was laid and slayed! But that’s the thing, when you straighten your natural hair, you just don’t know what it’s going to do.

The interview was posted online on April 1 and soon went viral, and thousands of people commented on how my hair looked. It is a shame, because the story was about women’s empowerment and women in sport. I spoke to a champion in her field, and people weren’t able to take from that when they saw the video.

I didn’t notice the comments at first. When I finally did, some of them were quite funny, but as the post blew up, it got more hateful and abusive. When I noticed the hate growing, I needed to make sure people knew that it is never okay, so I posted a video to my TikTok page, @jonelleawomoyi, in response to nip it in the bud.

People know it’s wrong, even when they try to disguise abusive comments as “banter”. When you’re in the public eye, many people have the assumption that because you chose this public lifestyle, if you get praise, then you should also expect negativity. And some feel like they have a right to hold public-facing people accountable. But there’s an obvious line.

In general, women are subject to a lot of criticism based on the way they look. And when you think about that intersectionally, when it comes down to race and gender, it seems Black women are under heavier scrutiny when it comes to the way we look. There are massive billion-dollar industries making money from us having these high standards for the way we present ourselves, so I understand where this comes from.

Growing up as Black women, there can be pressures to have our hair “on point” and “laid” — and I’m using these words specifically because they emphasize just how culturally significant our hair is. So, it was disheartening seeing that a lot of the comments on the video were coming from Black women. Still, I did try and approach those criticizing me with some compassion. A lot of people have internalized negative messages they’ve received based on the way they look, and then they project those messages onto other people. However, whilst I have compassion, I had to make it clear that the comments were still wrong, regardless of the reasoning behind them.

A while back, I posted a video on TikTok of me doing a news report with my natural hair and then going on a walk — the wind just blew it out of the way! It’s one of those things: when I get to my destination, I have no idea how I’m going to look. But that’s fine, because it’s just hair at the end of the day. We all have different hair types, and different hair types will do different things in different environments — as Black women, we all know that. If you have type 4 hair, you’re going to be aware that when you straighten it or curl it, and you go into a different environment, there’s a possibility that it won’t look the same way that you styled it originally. We should give each other grace.

In my role as a journalist, there is no one way of presenting myself. I’ve had many different hairstyles when presenting the news. Right now, I have Fulani boho braids, I’ve tried stitch braids, red braids, half up and half down, and worn my natural hair, all while presenting the news. I know that other Black news presenters may not have felt welcomed when wearing their natural hair, and hair discrimination in the workplace is a common issue many Black women have faced, but I’ve not had that issue. I present myself in a way that I feel comfortable and I feel true to myself. What’s interesting is that when I first got my job in TV, I had long blonde braids. Maybe because my work is aimed at younger audiences on social media, I have never felt my hair was a hindrance to me within this space.

Regardless, I don’t think we should steer the conversation to telling Black women how to wear their hair in any setting — many people were prescribing me different hairstyles to try — that’s just not the point here.

For me, it’s an empowering thing to be a Black woman working in journalism, connecting with diverse communities and trying to push conversations that matter. We’re lucky enough to live in a country where we have free press, but there are female journalists in Yemen, in Afghanistan, in Nigeria, in Sudan who will face terrible consequences based on doing their job in general, let alone how they present themselves. We must remember how important journalism is and how lucky we are to have free press where we’re allowed to report on things; in some countries, they’re not necessarily given those same freedoms.

I also think it’s good that we’re now questioning ourselves a bit more about how we post online, how we’re using the online spaces we’re given, because it is so powerful to have an online forum where everyone in the world can get involved in conversation.

Rough hair days happen. And I hope as Black women we’re giving ourselves and other people grace, especially on the basis of how they look — if someone’s hair’s not done, is it really that important?

As told to L’Oréal Blackett. This interview has been condensed from its original transcription. 

Jonelle Awomoyi is a BBC journalist, presenter, and producer

This article was originally published on Unbothered UK

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