
By now it shouldn’t come as a surprise that sexting can be great for your relationship. Whether you’ve been in a relationship for a while or you’re just starting something new, sending flirty, dirty messages is a great way to spice things up and keep them fresh — especially if you and your partner are long-distance. The thing is, not all of us are master sext crafters; some of us need a little inspiration when it comes to sexting ideas.
What is sexting?
Exactly what it sounds like, texting that centres on sex. Whether it’s sexual flirting, detailing sexual fantasies, or texting that’s designed to turn someone on.
It can be difficult to overcome feeling awkward, stilted, or stale when you’re trying to start (or continue) a sexting session. That’s why we turned to sex therapists Dr. Liz Powell, Vanessa Marin, and Mal Harrison for expert tips on how to bite the bullet and commit with the confidence of a sexting pro.
How to sext
“People might think, ‘I don’t know what to say’ or ‘I’m not creative,’ but you don’t have to dive in with all these kinky, dirty things,” Marin tells Refinery29. It’s true that sexting can make people uneasy, but it doesn’t have to be daunting: It can be playful and silly. And it should be fun.“Find a specific language you feel comfortable with,” Marin says. “If you’re not comfortable with being too explicit from the get-go, that’s okay — just start slow. I think the best way to get started is just by looking at examples.”
Here, experts share their favorite sexting ideas to get you going. Click through to view them and gain some sext inspo to send to a very lucky recipient.
This article was original published in August 2023 and has since been updated.

Check In
Example: “I just had the hottest dream/fantasy about you. Want to hear it?”
Why it works: “Who hasn’t had that sext come in at the worst time? Asking for consent makes sure your partner will be as into it as you are,” Dr. Powell says. “Plus, you’ve already started a tease by telling them there’s something super hot coming!”Illustrated by: Abbie Winters

Offer Up A Visual
Example: “I miss your lips on my neck.”
Why it works: This vivid example will give them a visual, and may even make the hairs on the back of their neck stand up, giving them a shiver. It’s also a great way to ease into dirty talk.

Ask A Leading Question
Example: “What’s your fantasy?”
Why it works: This seemingly simple question is actually an invitation to let your partner’s imagination run wild. It also allows you both to get vulnerable and real, while giving them an opportunity to ask for what they want.

Give A Compliment
Example: “Your ___ feels incredible.”
Why it works: A specific compliment is always better than a generic one — and your partner will love knowing that they’re good with their hands (or tongue or lips or elbows or…).

Reference A Body Part
Example: “I’m arching my back just thinking about seeing you tonight.”
Why it works: Naming a specific body part provides a level of detail that will definitely capture your partner’s attention. (More so than a generic, “I’m so excited to see you tonight.”)

Send A Request
Example: “Come keep me warm.”
Why it works: This subtle invitation makes it clear you’re ready to heat things up. Of course, this particular example is better played in the winter than the summer, but think of trying this genre of sext on for size when you can tailor it to the climate or time of day.

Be A Tease
Example: “If you could hear the sounds I’m making…”
Why it works: Teasing at all the fun you’re having will make things that much hotter for your partner, too. This kind of sext features a teasing vagueness that invites them to be curious and wonder what exactly is going on where you are.

Give Them The Control
Example: “Let me watch you touch yourself.”
Why it works: As Marin tells us, this kind of text allows you to relinquish just enough control while still being an active party in the exchange. Here, you’re handing the reins over to your partner — and the results could be mind-blowing. Illustrated by: Abbie Winters.

Invite Them To Think About You
Example: “When was the last time you thought about me?”
Why it works: If it’s been a while since you and your partner have met up, an open-ended question like this one can help to jog their memory. Once you’re on their mind, you can ease into discussing other activities you like to do when you’re around each other.

Be Playful
Example: “I can’t wait for you to come… home ;)”
Why it works: It’s hard to resist a text that’s playful. The one tells your partner that you miss them and it incorporates a pun. What more could you ask for?

Ask A Sexy Question
Example: “Where do you want to touch me first?”
Why it works: Asking your partner a simple — yet spicy — question can be a great way to get started. It doesn’t have to be anything particularly explicit, either. Think PG-13 to get the conversation going.

Use Visuals
Example: “I am looking SO HOT right now! Want a pic?”
Why it works: “When you’re looking down and loving what you see, why not let [your sexting partner] in on the enjoyment?” Dr. Powell says. “Plus, this builds the anticipation of just how amazing the pic will be when they get it.”Illustrated by: Abbie Winters

Bring Up Something From The Past
Example: “Let’s finish what we started.”
Why it works: Have a great time the last time you were together? Consider bringing that to the front of their mind. Whether you’re referring to an interrupted tryst or asking for round two, this kind of message will remind your partner just how good your last meetup was.

Single Them Out
Example: “Only you can make me feel this good.”
Why it works: When sending a sext, try making your recipient feel one of a kind and unique. It never hurts to remind your partner that they’re special — and very talented. Throw in some specific, personal details to make things even more tailored to them.

Make Them Feel Wanted
Example: “I want you all to myself tonight.”
Why it works: Who doesn’t want to feel wanted? Your partner will love knowing they’re on your mind and you just want to spend some quality time with them as your priority.

Turn Up The Heat
Example: “I’m getting wet just thinking about you.”
Why it works: This one is a classic. Who wouldn’t love to know that the mere thought of them gets someone all hot and bothered? Remember, when in doubt: the more specific, the better.

Send A Spur Of The Moment Sext
Example: “Coming over in 5. Be ready ;)”
Why it works: This gives them just enough time to slap on some deodorant and prepare themselves for the fun to come. But even if you’re not actually on the way IRL, this example is the kind of out of the blue message that will catch them off guard and lead into a playful session of sexting (because what would you two do if you really were en route?).

Ask Them To Keep Going
Example: “Tell me more.”
Why it works: If you’ve gotten a sext that leaves you a little tongue-tied, this is a great way to keep the conversation flowing. Plus, it gives you some time to think about what you might want to say next.Illustrated by: Abbie Winters

Validate Your Partner
Example: “That turns me on so much.”
Why it works: Validation goes a long way in sex, and that goes for sexting, too. A more specific variation of this text is even better — it never hurts to let your partner know exactly how you feel. Although keeping it simple does the job just as well. Illustrated by: Abbie Winters

Start A Brainstorming Session
Example: “Let’s try something new tonight.”
Why it works: Consider starting a spicy convo about what you’re going to do together later. The example above lets your partner know you’re feeling adventurous, but naturally you should come to the conclusion of what that entails together.

Let Them Take The Lead
Example: “Tell me the last erotic thought you had.”
Why it works: An open-ended request allows your partner to lead where the conversation goes. All you have to do is propose a question or request to get things rolling.

Tell A Dirty Pun
Example: “Will you be my alarm cock tomorrow?”
Why it works: Again, who doesn’t love a dirty joke? There’s no shortage of dirty pun lists out there on the internet. And the more you know about your recipient’s humor, the better.

Let Them Know They’re On Your Mind
Example: “Woke up so hungry for you.”
Why it works: This type of message sends a loud and clear message to your partner: They have been on your mind all day. Just the thought of someone else thinking of you is flattering. It’s up to you to tell them just how you’re thinking about them.

Send A Faux Distress Signal
Example: “So insatiable today. SOS!”
Why it works: This is a much more interesting way to let your partner know that you’re horny. And sending a playful, fake emergency message will tell them just how horny you are.

Describe A Specific Sensation
Example: “Need to feel your breath against my skin.”
Why it works: Illustrating a particular sensation will transport your sext recipient to a hot moment you shared together — and make them want to recreate it for you ASAP. And if you can’t think of something you’d like to reference from your past, consider detailing something you hope to happen.

Use An Innuendo
Example: “I’m sopping wet ;)”
Why it works: Save this example for a rainy day. A little innuendo (or, in this case, a lot) can be extremely effective, especially if it references something situational, such as the weather.

Build Anticipation
Example: “I’m too busy tonight. You can’t have me until tomorrow.”
Why it works: We ask again: Is there anything hotter than a good tease? Building anticipation via text is a great way to get a spicy convo started. Plus, the recipient will be all the more excited to see you in person the next time you meet.Illustrated by: Abbie Winters

Let Their Imagination Do The Work
Example: “I’ve got a surprise waiting for you.”
Why it works: This type of message almost certainly provokes a response to get the session going — who doesn’t want to find out what the “surprise” is? The key here is to let them lead the conversation in whatever direction their mind goes. You’re simply allowing their imagination to run wild.Illustrated by: Abbie Winters

Tell Them You Miss Them
Example: “I miss feeling you inside of me.”
Why it works: If you’re tongue-tied and looking for a way to get your sexting session started, this is a pretty good ice-breaker. In general, telling your partner you miss them — or even better, miss something specific about them — is a seamless way to get a sexting sesh started.Illustrated by: Abbie Winters

React With Enthusiasm
Example: “I’m about to explode.”
Why it works: A big part of sexting? Reacting to your partner and letting them know just how much they turn you on. This idea is less of a conversation starter and more of a conversation continuer. A reaction to what your partner has been saying is a great way to keep the back-and-forth going if you’re not sure what to say next.Illustrated by: Abbie Winters.

Just Get To The Point
Example: “Tell me what you think about when you touch yourself.”
Why it works: As far as getting started goes, this example is a great way to set the mood. If you’re looking to jump right in, there’s no need to dance around a teasing question. Instead, simply pose an erotic question or request.Illustrated by: Abbie Winters.

Tell Them What You Want
Example: “I want you to tease me until I can’t take it any longer.”
Why it works: It’s like they say — you can’t get what you want unless you ask for it. And it doesn’t have to be something graphically sexual, either. Just look to the example here.Illustrated by: Abbie Winters.

Give Positive Affirmations
Example: “I love when you talk like that.”
Why it works: The cardinal rule of sexting applies here: Be responsive when your partner sexts back. There’s nothing better than when someone says you’re doing a good job, especially when that job has the potential to feel awkward.Illustrated by: Abbie Winters.

Tell Them What You’re Doing
Example: “I’m touching myself right now thinking about you.”
Why it works: If you need a conversation starter, this one builds the fire of anticipation and can jumpstart a foreplay session. Of course, whether or not you’re actually doing the action you’re describing is totally up to you. We’re all for both active and passive sexting.Illustrated by: Abbie Winters.

Make A Promise
Example: “I’m going to make you come so hard.”
Why it works: Let your partner know that you have a goal in mind. Take for example this text: It’s a promise that you’ll actually want to be held accountable for — and hopefully, your partner will reciprocate.Illustrated by: Abbie Winters

Act Dominant
Example: “I’m going to make you beg for it.”
Why it works: Seduce your partner with the promise of what’s to come, and don’t be afraid to be a bit dominant about it, even if that’s not typically the persona you outwardly portray. Sexting is a space to explore things and embrace new facets of yourself virtually, if you so desire.Illustrated by: Abbie Winters

Recall A Shared Experience
Example: “Remember the time we did _______?”
Why it works: If you’re nervous about how to get a sexting session started, this type of text will clue your partner in on your intentions without being too specific. It’s not too “I’m sending you a sext,” but it definitely leans in that direction. Illustrated by: Abbie Winters.

Make Them Feel Good
Example: “Your body looks incredible.”
Why it works: A big part of sex is making your partner feel amazing, so if you’re not physically there, you can always kick things off by paying them a sexy compliment.Illustrated by: Abbie Winters

Give Them A Mental Image
Example: “I just got out of the shower.”
Why it works: You don’t have to be an award-winning fiction writer to paint a picture with words when it comes to sexting. Simply offer up a mental image that your partner won’t be able to get out of their head.Illustrated by: Abbie Winters

Build A Sense Of Excitement
Example: “I’m getting so antsy just thinking about seeing you later.”
Why it works: If you’re looking for a sexting ice-breaker, this is it. It’s simple, yet effective in building anticipation, making it a great starter.
Illustrated by: Abbie Winters

Use A What-If Scenario
Example: “It’s too bad you’re not here right now.”
Why it works: This type of message is the perfect segue into describing (in as much detail as you like) what would be happening if your partner were there right now.Illustrated by: Abbie Winters

Be Straightforward
Example: “I want you / I need you.”
Why it works: It’s simple and direct without being explicit, leaving room for you to elaborate on exactly why you want/need your partner. Or why they want/need you right now. Illustrated by: Abbie Winters

Give A Command
Example: “Get over here right now.”
Why it works: Instead of requesting something, consider “commanding” your partner to do something over text. It gives your message a sense of urgency. This example, in particular, conveys all of your “need-you-now” passion in just five words.Illustrated by: Abbie Winters

Tell Them How Much You Want Them
Example: “I can’t get enough of you.”
Why it works: This text tells your partner just how much you want them, without getting too specific. It’s a great one if you’re shy or aren’t comfortable being overtly sexual over text.Illustrated by: Abbie Winters

Ask An “And Then What?” Question
Example: “What else will you do to me?”
Why it works: It’s playful, it’s teasing, and it encourages your partner to keep going. If you’re feeling major writer’s block mid-session, this is the one for you. When in doubt, ask them to elaborate.Illustrated by: Abbie Winters

Invoke A Steamy Memory
Example: “I can’t get last night out of my mind.”
Why it works: Recalling spicy memories is a foolproof way to get the fire going again. You don’t even have to do too much thinking or work here. The past experience has all of the juicy details you could need.
Illustrated by: Abbie Winters

Be Explicit
Example: “Your clothes are coming off the second you get through the door.”
Why it works: It’s clear, direct, and authoritative. By explicit, we don’t necessarily mean graphic; we just mean straightforward. Although by all means if that’s your style, go for it.Illustrated by: Abbie Winters

Introduce Something New
Example: “I have a new toy we can play with.”
Why it works: This message tells your partner that you’re in a playful mood and excited to try something out together. Adding toys to your sex life is an instant conversation starter.
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